Bling Bling in the ATL

1. Increase Social Presence Gradually
In general, social presence increases with media richness. Media richness increases as follows:

1. text based online post/email
2. realtime text based chat/lots of emails
3. phone
4. realtime video
5. face to face
6. the sticky-icky

Its probably good to increase gradually. Why? That way you can screen out folks at stage 1 and 3 instead of stage 6. Certain decisions involving trust, honesty, clear judgement are more effective at higher degrees of social presence. And if 6 is the goal and social presence is not, skip this blog.

2. Situational Ethics, Shared Mental Map
Ethical behavior has individual and structural components. We have little control over an individuals lack of morals, but a lot of control over the situations in which we encounter them.

Once you've set the scene, set some standards. The 'rules of the game' are not fixed, but are created by each interaction. I know I've treated most guys fairly decently, except for that one guy I used to scream at and nag all the time. Even now when I apologize, he won't admit that he deserved to be treated better. And then there was one guy who I was ALWAYS NICE TO, because he was always nice to me, and made a point of looking hurt every time I was snappy. Create the rules you want and get rid of the ones you don't.

I don't have a list part II, but I can give you an example:

One time, after a bad night at a stupid bar with some horrible philosophy PhDs, I decided I'd downed my pint a little too quickly and needed to stay for another 30 minutes. After getting all my 'friends' to leave, I sat down at a table with what looked to be 2 moskovites and a kazakstanian. They thought I was psychic when my appraisal proved correct (OK, it was kazakstanians and one moskovite) and the night turned from terrible to ridiculously fun from there. They ended up coming back to mine, playing chess, drinking lots, making stupid jokes.. then they crashed in the living room. Then one of the above described underaged kazakstanians came to my room for some sticky-icky.

I have a theory that everyone, even Ted Bundy, is sensitive to 1 moral rule. Could be family (mother/sister), country (you should represent mother russia better than this), the other man(I have a boyfriend/husband/my dad is asleep upstairs) - whatever. When you're in a tough spot, just put yourself in the context of that moral framework and you're gold. With this particular boy, none of the first 3 worked. But what DID work was - charmingly enough - hospitality. I started complaining that here I was, trying my darndest to be a good host, and he was throwing my hospitality back in my face by being an overly demanding guest. He practically bolted back to the sofa. And in the morning we all skipped work and they cooked me breakfast and we would still be friends if they hadn't done some other ridiculous stuff the next couple times we hung out.

Anyways. Moral of the story is:

1. don't take home 3 drunk russians you just met. Its fun, but its also very stupid.

OK. I'm done. Back to work.

I make no claim that organizational sociologists make any useful contributions to online dating, nor do I claim to BE an organizational sociologist. I just think thats what they might say if they were going to.