7.30.2004
business librarian
Just had a little salvo, convo, with this woman I quite like who works at the library. She was the business librarian for Andersen Consulting for 20 years. She is classy, charming from another age, with white hair and green hornrimmed glasses, but she's got a sharp mind and is corporate, professional, with an edge and an eye for quality. I imagine her my age, vacationing in the north for the summer, at a Wheaton cocktail party, being sincere and droll at the same time. We chat about vacations, and projects - its a pity because she's in poor company at the library. Not poor company, but she is clearly the brightest bulb, but so advanced in her career that its not likely she will run that outfit anytime soon. Its interesting talking to her about Andersen because she takes it so personally. It is a strange community that imploded - anyways. Interesting lady. I'm wifi'ing on the patio because I was on the verge of curling up under my desk and that would just be too unprofessional.
I said I think he likes me, thats what I think
Its 10:57 and I just made it into work. Running a little bit late this morning, I'm fatigued. BIB stayed over again and the two day old gallon of cuervo is suffering from the onslaught. Not sure what I'm going to do with that boy but talking to him extensively is helping me figure it out. Problem is that he adjusts so quickly to how he needs to be and what he wants to do around me. He's been awfully good for two days - no mention in 48 hours of all his confusion and temptation and anger. Then he goes off and exposes himself to other influences and changes his mind. Anyways, around 4AM? 6AM? I crashed on the little couch for a few hours, and a short time later I got out and slowly, slowly got ready for work, with BIB on the bed reading my trashy sci fi fantasy and talking to the cats.
Been reading for the personal statement, Ken Galbraith, Veblen, going over the old socio-econ and econ history books. I'm not sure how its going to help, but its good casting a wide net over what I'm interested in and then boiling it down to something small.
I'm taking the GRE at some point in the near future. In a month or two, I think. I don't know if I should study or not. I just have the feeling that I'm going to do fine and why bother studying... it will be a lot of effort for a few measly points. But then.. sometimes I'm good at math but I do the problem wrong. Maybe I should study.
Wow. 8 hours before I can sleep. I was thinking of inviting folks over tonight for drinks and tapas, but we'll see. I may just fall asleep under my desk and wake up here tomorrow instead.
Been reading for the personal statement, Ken Galbraith, Veblen, going over the old socio-econ and econ history books. I'm not sure how its going to help, but its good casting a wide net over what I'm interested in and then boiling it down to something small.
I'm taking the GRE at some point in the near future. In a month or two, I think. I don't know if I should study or not. I just have the feeling that I'm going to do fine and why bother studying... it will be a lot of effort for a few measly points. But then.. sometimes I'm good at math but I do the problem wrong. Maybe I should study.
Wow. 8 hours before I can sleep. I was thinking of inviting folks over tonight for drinks and tapas, but we'll see. I may just fall asleep under my desk and wake up here tomorrow instead.
7.28.2004
this is another another one from Cat Power
So its 10:49 AM and I just got into work. I passed one of the support desk guys who had the gall to ask me out on a date two days ago (I turned him down politely) on the way in and whispered "I'm sneaking in!" He grinned then frowned at his watch - his face almost cracked - and secretly thought that was super rebellious in a kind of sexy way. Little does he know that I can not get up in the morning and its a real struggle! I'm really happy when I magically wake up at 6 in the morning without any alarm clock, drink coffee and read the paper and feed the cats, clean for an hour, then bike to work. Its the recipe for the perfect day!
So I've been oversleeping for two days, trying to make that magic 6AM waking happen. This morning I woke up at 7:49, looked at the cats curled up next to me, thought 'oh goody, its early, I can have a good morning' then went back to sleep until 9. I'm hoping to get some actual work done at work today, instead of blogging and surfing and avoiding everyone, and maybe even to work on my personal statement for grad school, which I'm not so jazzed about. I'm experiencing the conflict between love and money. I like the efficiency of the work world, and the insanity of global capitalism, and I'd love to study it, with one foot in the bathtub, one foot on land, half dressed, etc. etc. Thats a reference to a greek myth, for those of you who missed it. Basically what I'm saying is that I'm looking quasi seriously at a phd in Org and Mgmt, which means steeling myself for a lifetime of cognitive dissonance and a decent stipend and salary. Sounds like life to me. On the other hand, if I applied to soc, I might be able to get people to send me to Samoa for research and do pointless linguistic studies and economic histories of canibalism that no one will ever read, then spend the rest of my life trying to find crap assistant professorships.
What I really want is a windsurfer, and to move to san diego, and do some sort of micronesian business program that will allow me to work the corporate side and do an adjunct professorship and dip into samoan microloan ngos every few years when im feeling altruistic. But first things first - I've got to get to work before 10AM tomorrow.
So I've been oversleeping for two days, trying to make that magic 6AM waking happen. This morning I woke up at 7:49, looked at the cats curled up next to me, thought 'oh goody, its early, I can have a good morning' then went back to sleep until 9. I'm hoping to get some actual work done at work today, instead of blogging and surfing and avoiding everyone, and maybe even to work on my personal statement for grad school, which I'm not so jazzed about. I'm experiencing the conflict between love and money. I like the efficiency of the work world, and the insanity of global capitalism, and I'd love to study it, with one foot in the bathtub, one foot on land, half dressed, etc. etc. Thats a reference to a greek myth, for those of you who missed it. Basically what I'm saying is that I'm looking quasi seriously at a phd in Org and Mgmt, which means steeling myself for a lifetime of cognitive dissonance and a decent stipend and salary. Sounds like life to me. On the other hand, if I applied to soc, I might be able to get people to send me to Samoa for research and do pointless linguistic studies and economic histories of canibalism that no one will ever read, then spend the rest of my life trying to find crap assistant professorships.
What I really want is a windsurfer, and to move to san diego, and do some sort of micronesian business program that will allow me to work the corporate side and do an adjunct professorship and dip into samoan microloan ngos every few years when im feeling altruistic. But first things first - I've got to get to work before 10AM tomorrow.
7.27.2004
This is another one from Cat Power
So its 10:49 and I just made it into work. For some reason, I can't get to work any earlier than an hour and a half after I am supposed to be there. It helps that my boss is always in absentia, like most of the men in my life. Last night, Bad Idea Ben (BIB) left some white peaches at my door after some text messages in spanish asking me whether I wanted any. I spoke with him briefly on the phone; he sounds like a younger, more uncertain version of himself. Good. BIB's in purgatory because god knows I love the guy and god knows I can't trust him. I've restricted him to an approximation of old fashioned courtship rituals - he can leave flowers and notes and fruit at my door, and we might periodically have long talks, but no more anything fun that might require a modicrum of mutual respect or trust. So far he's doing alright - he did pick the flowers off a tree, probably outside my house, and the note he left was inscrutable.
Anyway, back to said difficulty getting to work in the morning. I don't know what it is, just that I sit in my house in the morning and the engine turns over, but it won't start. My friend A is going to Afghanistan probably soon, and my friend L's son just got shot and is having hand surgery today, and I for some reason can't get up before 9:30 AM. Maybe its the clouds, maybe its wishing I was home to invite BIB in when he dropped off peaches, maybe its because Jack and Shira (the kittens) are so damn cute and its fun to watch them wake up in the morning.
Anyway, back to said difficulty getting to work in the morning. I don't know what it is, just that I sit in my house in the morning and the engine turns over, but it won't start. My friend A is going to Afghanistan probably soon, and my friend L's son just got shot and is having hand surgery today, and I for some reason can't get up before 9:30 AM. Maybe its the clouds, maybe its wishing I was home to invite BIB in when he dropped off peaches, maybe its because Jack and Shira (the kittens) are so damn cute and its fun to watch them wake up in the morning.
