Bling Bling in the ATL

(Reuters) America, the "runaway bride," whose much-publicized disappearance days before fullfilling her election vows and committing to George Bush's mandate turned out to be just a case of cold feet, was indicted on Wednesday on two charges of falsely claiming she was abducted by the Democratic Party, authorities said.

America, 232, vanished days before coming to a clearcut decision on UN diplomat John Bolton, stem cell research, judicial appointments, permanent base creation in Iraq, and privitization of Social Security. Her dissappearahce triggered a nationwide search.

America was found a few days later on the border of Mexico. America at first said she had been abducted by representatives of the Democratic party while jogging and sexually assaulted, but later changed her story, telling police she had fled because she was scared about her lavish spending required to fulfill President Bush's plans.

America would face up to six years in prison if convicted on both the charges, announcing the indictment by a grand jury earlier on Wednesday.

"At some point you just can't lie," authorities said.

America faces one count of making a false statement to a government agency, a felony charge that carries a sentence of up to five years, and one of falsely reporting a crime, a misdemeanor that carries a term of up to one year.

"We believe this is a reasonable next step in this case and we believe the grand jury made the appropriate decision," authorities said.

No one knows where America is currently, but her attorney is available for comments. The next step is a warrant for America's arrest. Authorities are was confident she will turn herself in.

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Yeah, thats all I really have to say about the news today. Theres an awful lot going on - some sort of partial resolution leading to the next big standoff, who knows what that will be. Call your senators. Just for fun. Just call em. Tell them you're lonely. Tell them you're tired. Tell them you're having a good day. Tell them you want John Bolton's hair tonic recipe, you're collecting venture capital to fund pizza delivery service to the US Armed Forces permanent bases in Iraq, you're sending your frozen embryo into foster care but you're worried s/he might be cloned by muslim fanatics, you think Justice Owens is communicating to you via white noise, your grandparents are canabilizing your cannabis - just call them. Let them know you think they might care.

In other news, May is over as far as I'm concerned. Hung out with Culture Critic this weekend - gave her an intro to my disorganized life. I have a vendetta against cars. Its nice to be back in sunny Atlanta, and I've got an awful lot of work to do.

Ciao,

Ms. Bling.

from WaPo:

The timing could not have been more apt. On the eve of a titanic partisan clash in the Senate, eggheads of the left and right got together yesterday to warn both parties that they are ignoring the country's most pressing problem: that the United States is turning into Argentina.

While Washington plunged into a procedural fight over a pair of judicial nominees, Stuart Butler, head of domestic policy at the conservative Heritage Foundation, and Isabel Sawhill, director of the left-leaning Brookings Institution's economic studies program, sat down with Comptroller General David M. Walker to bemoan what they jointly called the budget "nightmare."

With startling unanimity, they agreed that without some combination of big tax increases and major cuts in Medicare, Social Security and most other spending, the country will fall victim to the huge debt and soaring interest rates that collapsed Argentina's economy and caused riots in its streets a few years ago.

"The only thing the United States is able to do a little after 2040 is pay interest on massive and growing federal debt," Walker said. "The model blows up in the mid-2040s. What does that mean? Argentina."

"All true," Sawhill, a budget official in the Clinton administration, concurred.

"To do nothing," Butler added, "would lead to deficits of the scale we've never seen in this country or any major in industrialized country. We've seen them in Argentina. That's a chilling thought, but it would mean that."

Yeah. Get your passports. You're going to be wanting to earn money in a strong currency area when your kids are in college and your parents are retiring.

Ms. Bling

Evolution

So NYTimes most e-mailed article today begins like this:

Evolutionary scientists have never had difficulty explaining the male orgasm, closely tied as it is to reproduction...

But the Darwinian logic behind the female orgasm has remained elusive. Women can have sexual intercourse and even become pregnant - doing their part for the perpetuation of the species - without experiencing orgasm. So what is its evolutionary purpose?

Which reminds me of two things: first, NYTimes is charging for its online Op/Eds soon. And second, a premise I've had in my back pocket for the past few months - that human response to trauma is an evolved trait. But, the response doesn't confer benefits on the individual. It functions on the group level as a response to status shifts, humiliation, tribal warfare. Anyways, the flip side of the trauma idea would be an evolutionary explanation for the female orgasm with more teeth than 'girls just wanna have fun'. Something about the idea reminds me scarily of Rousseau's Emile - in which men were selfish individualist wealth maximizers, and women function on a communal level. Oh well.

I haven't really thought out the supporting ideas too much. But I'd mention that the trauma reaction is a response to subjugation through war and rape, and that on the group level, there is a strategic benefit for individuals to endlessly loop in hyperdefensive, non-functioning self-destruct mode. Devil's in the details with that one - really my main disagreement with the scientests in the NYTimes article is that they pointlessly limit evolutionary pressures to one-on-one interactions.

That brings me to the broader debate about evolution. This week, its Intelligent Design vs. Darwin in Kansas. Five months ago it struck a little closer to home, Cobb County (down the street) vs. Ken Miller (from my alma mater). And ten years ago, feminist epistimology vs. evolutionary biologists. I can't find a good link to sum up that debate. OK, thats not true - just the more I look for one, the more I realize I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.

But moving right along, my synthesis? A couple points. One, Reason's interview with Paul Seabright kind of resonates on the fundamental approach I'd prefer - key sentence being, "our environment is as much each other as it is a particular natural ecology, and that component of our environment, the social component, has changed spectacularly in the last ten millennia."

Two, I like the Darwin vs. ID debate. I have this optimistic faith in speech such that even poor, faithless dialogue is good, and the attempt to engage on a shared platform of 'scientific'ish-speak is, well, worthwhile.

And by the way, Three: I don't see the big disconnect between science and genesis, probably because I do see the big disconnect between the sign and the signified. Kidding. But really, I've been reading Genesis and knowing a smattering of Big Bang theory, evolution, just seems to make for a richer read. Its what I bring to it.

Donkey Rising

I browse the headlines of the NYTimes most-emailed articles every day. Along with everything else on my blogroll. Its sick, but I've been desperately seeking an environment of like-minded others lately. Been listening to Air America for long, 12 hour days - even the hideous Mike Malloy and that South American chick whom I hate.

Also been stalking the staff of Suck. Where are the Sucksters now? Where they've always been: Reason, LA Weekly, Wonkette, The Baffler, and of course, blogging their little hearts out. Mr. Myxtlpk (sp) is on the O'Reilly show today, defending his comparison of Hanoi Jane and Ben Franklin. I asked Myxtlpk to pretty-please to be a smarmy, obnoxios prick. Gonna have to leave work early (11PM) to catch that.

Air America's been playing this Scot MP giving a real Braveheart speech to the Senate Foreign Relations committee over and over and over again. Who is the Scot MP?

None other than the pro-Baathist, implicated in oil-for food, George "Until Jerusalem" Galloway. 'until Jerusalem' as in:

In 1994 Mr Galloway stood before Saddam Hussein and said: "Your excellency, Mr President, I greet you in the name of the many thousands of people in Britain who stood against the tide and opposed the war and aggression against Iraq and continue to oppose the war by economic means, which is aimed to strangle the life out of the great people of Iraq ... I greet you too in the name of the Palestinian people ... I thought the president would appreciate to know that even today, three years after the war, I still meet families who are calling their newborn sons Saddam. Sir, I salute your courage, your strength your indefatigability. And I want you to know that we are with you until victory, until victory, until Jerusalem." (The Times, January 20 1994.)

Stygius has the caveats right:

A real demagogue, Galloway is no doubt having a lot of fun hamming it up in front of the committee. Any minimally skilled British MP can run circles around most American counterparts. I hope I can see video of it at some point.

Galloway does sound like he is having fun.

Anyways, not sure what I'm doing seeking out partisan liberal hacks and old dot.com personalities. I have a vague sense that I miss the obnoxious, vicious, cynical person I used to be. I've been too damn nice lately, tip-toeing around. Whats up with that? Must be a Southern phenomena, and not the Flannery O'Connor sort.

In other news

- well, that just about sums it up. Really. I'm grammer checking and its fricken weird, I've sworn off relationship blogging, and yet all the main tropes I'm juggling with come out regardless, in the guise of ideas. Parker's Back, Genesis, Rousseau, my sharp politically-conscious tongue. I'm hungry. I'm gonna go get my car towed, feed my cats, and then find myself some dinner.

- Ms. Bling

Went to church yesturday with J. J has been going the rounds at Atlanta churches - she told me an amusing story about another church she went to. It was one of those Mega churches - indie christian rock band etc., the most amusing part was that the pastor teleconferenced it in each Sunday - the flock sitting piosly before a large projection screen of a minister at an alternate location. Go Atlanta.

Anyways. Yesterday, it was 'coming of age' day at the Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Atlanta - a sort of secular humanist bar mitzvah of sorts, if you will, one might say. Unlike in Samoa, coming of age at the UUCA involves writing a credo statement - some several paragraphs written by a 13 year old describing the linchpins of their personal relationship to god and spiritual living.

Kids are cute. There was the gamer, whose credo sounded the boyish power and perspective of single player video games. There was a young girl who spoke of loss of innocence, and that the removal of that distracting facet from her personality encouraged her to focus and strengthen her compassion, wisdom, humor. A glib young man spoke last - introduced as 'brilliant,' he used his advanced command of rhetoric to lecture us on politics, too inexperienced to know that it is easier to persuade others than to reveal yourself.

I liked the young girls statement, obviously. She had fewer illusions. She cited Adrienne Rich, and I faintly remembered a line of poetry - something about a dirty studio, stairs writhing, a milkman's heavy tread like a reverse escalator, moving perpetually up the steps.

So I looked up those lines -

Living in Sin

She had thought the studio would keep itself;
no dust upon the furniture of love.
...
Not that at five each separate stair would writhe
under the milkman's tramp;
...
By evening she was back in love again,
though not so wholly but throughout the night
she woke sometimes to feel the daylight coming
like a relentless milkman up the stairs.

Adrienne Rich. Good people.

Anything else eventful? Greg told a funny story again about his life as a kids party entertainer for hire. On Saturday, he had a white power ranger and two buzz lightyears. My favorite story is a spidey one. He was going down to East point in costume. Some guy tried to stop him outside the Marta station, 'hey, spiderman!' and sell him some CD cases and batteries. Greg told him his 'spidey sene' was tingling and he had to go. The man was pissed and as Greg turned to leave, called him a fake-ass spiderman and more.

Fake-ass spiderman. Apparently there are pics of greg as spidey crawling around the sculpture park at Ripe Atlanta last weekend. I've got to find and post.

- Ms. Bling

Someone must have told runaway bride America that life was going to be easy; most people don't spontaneously wake up and decide they are going to run 1,000 miles away from their problems. Instead most people usually deal with the issues that are thrown in their way. This is for one main reason: Regardless how far away one runs, the problem will still exist.

America was never taught the skills needed to work through difficult obstacles in life. She could have been telling the truth when she claimed her life was being controlled by fear and she could no longer handle it, or she could have simply been suffering "cold feet," as most people believe she was.

On April 19, America called a cab and left home with approximately $150 billion dollars and no form of identification or personal items. It is hard to comprehend exactly what her issue was. It appeared things were really going well for her when she decided to run away. Her military was spreading freedom in Iraq, her Fiance was attacking the problem of Social Security, ramming John Bolton through the Senate Foreign Relations Committee and manuvering to re-nominate activist judges. Why was she running from these people?

After a few days of running, America ran into a small problem - she had run out of money. Instead of returning home as any normal person would do, America reported that she was abducted at gunpoint by a Hispanic man and a white woman who were driving a blue van – Democrats being the best plan she could come up with. She further explained to the dispatcher that she was calling from a 7-Eleven and did not know her exact location. She also claimed the Democrats had cut off her hair to conceal her identity before they released her.

This once sane individual had gotten herself into a giant mess and the best way she could think of to get out of it was to fabricate an intricate lie - a lie that would eventually waste many hours of law enforcement agencies' time and resources that could have been spent addressing actual crimes. She would have been better off if she had simply called her poor fiancé, George W. Bush, her hysterical parents, England, or better yet, a psychiatrist who specializes in bipolar disorders.

It is very true that people become nervous before fulfilling election promises and often need some time to get themselves in order to contemplate their decisions one last time. I would have hoped America’s run caused George W. Bush to question his decision. However, upon America’s return, the mandate was simply postponed. I think Bush needs more time to consider what he is doing, or at least purchase a good pair of running shoes so he can keep up with America.

Been out of it for a few - had a conference in Indiana last week and then went to RIPE Atlanta all weekend.

Good week. Worked hard, then played hard.

So I checked in with the news to see what I'd missed. And I know its not good to take stuff out of context, but oh well, here it is:

NBC NEWS' MEET THE PRESS, May 8th
Guests: Gary Schroen, former senior CIA agent

MR. SCHROEN: The mission was to--the first part of it was to go in and link up with the Northern Alliance, formerly headed by Ahmed Al-Massoud, and to win their confidence and their agreement to cooperate militarily with us. They were the only armed force on the ground in Afghanistan opposing the Taliban. The second part of it was, once the Taliban were broken, to attack the al-Qaeda organization, find bin Laden and his senior lieutenants and kill them.
MR. RUSSERT: Kill them?
MR. SCHROEN: Kill them.
MR. RUSSERT: Mr. Black gave you specific instructions on what he wanted you to bring home.
MR. SCHROEN: That's true. He did ask that once we got bin Laden and killed him, that we send his head back in a cardboard box on dry ice so that he could take it down and show the president.
MR. RUSSERT: Where would you find the dry ice in Afghanistan?

News Radio's The Alan Colmes Show May 6th
Guest: anti-abortion activist guest Neal Horsley

COLMES: "You had sex with animals?"
HORSLEY: "Absolutely. I was a fool. When you grow up on a farm in Georgia, your first girlfriend is a mule."
COLMES: "I'm not so sure that that is so."
HORSLEY: "You didn't grow up on a farm in Georgia, did you?"
COLMES: "Are you suggesting that everybody who grows up on a farm in Georgia has a mule as a girlfriend?"
HORSLEY: It has historically been the case. You people are so far removed from the reality...Welcome to domestic life on the farm...If it's warm and it's damp and it vibrates, you might in fact have sex with it."

Dear Bling-Bling in the ATL Readers,

Its in the static on Air America when I drive into the parking garage. Its the dust on the outside-top of the window pane that I just can't clean. Its your psychic sorrow, your bleeding aura, the painstaking attention you've lent to each tragic twist of the human interest story which has gripped the nation these past 5 days. I can feel it.

No, I'm not talking about Congress's recommendation of 70 billion in tax cuts to the wealthy over the next 6 years.

I'm talking about Jennifer Carol Wilbanks. The missing-turned-runaway bride??? Perhaps it seems inconcievable, but those of us in Atlanta hear the high pitched hum of distress emanating from the Wilbanks-Mason families more poignantly than other Americans. And so, we, the Atlanta arts community, have risen to the occasion to heal the nation with prose and poem.

Spoken For

Into the television and concrete buried in flowers, there are two whites, both under suspicion, who are as selfish as they were yesterday. Where dads had seen them from behind their glasses; a dress, white wrapping, and cake on the table, as if each discretion were to be forgiven by the other, both dressed in clothes which were even and spoken for, as a costume is at a party, or inside one's own room for that matter. In turn, moms are sleeping through the guest room, but could not follow their action, the puzzling gestures that would appear then diminish into another wall, the slow playing of games was to each his own and for this they were made to defend. the woman smiled and stared at his reaction, in that he could not open his eyes, she could remember her plan, it was to wake up before he did.

Nude as the News

The fiancé of the bride-to-be
has yet to agree. How many husbands
have gone out for a pack of cigarettes?

You can only search so much
until somebody gives you direction
"We've turned over every leaf," he said.

Wedding vows on his desk
14 long black gowns
A strand of hair that is consistent
with Lismore Tall by Waterford
and Solitaire China by Lenox.

Two large respected families
deeply rooted, well-connected.
Last-minute sharing their anguish
enduring strain, questioning and
an intense glare.