Bling Bling in the ATL

(Reuters) America, the "runaway bride," whose much-publicized disappearance days before fullfilling her election vows and committing to George Bush's mandate turned out to be just a case of cold feet, was indicted on Wednesday on two charges of falsely claiming she was abducted by the Democratic Party, authorities said.

America, 232, vanished days before coming to a clearcut decision on UN diplomat John Bolton, stem cell research, judicial appointments, permanent base creation in Iraq, and privitization of Social Security. Her dissappearahce triggered a nationwide search.

America was found a few days later on the border of Mexico. America at first said she had been abducted by representatives of the Democratic party while jogging and sexually assaulted, but later changed her story, telling police she had fled because she was scared about her lavish spending required to fulfill President Bush's plans.

America would face up to six years in prison if convicted on both the charges, announcing the indictment by a grand jury earlier on Wednesday.

"At some point you just can't lie," authorities said.

America faces one count of making a false statement to a government agency, a felony charge that carries a sentence of up to five years, and one of falsely reporting a crime, a misdemeanor that carries a term of up to one year.

"We believe this is a reasonable next step in this case and we believe the grand jury made the appropriate decision," authorities said.

No one knows where America is currently, but her attorney is available for comments. The next step is a warrant for America's arrest. Authorities are was confident she will turn herself in.

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Yeah, thats all I really have to say about the news today. Theres an awful lot going on - some sort of partial resolution leading to the next big standoff, who knows what that will be. Call your senators. Just for fun. Just call em. Tell them you're lonely. Tell them you're tired. Tell them you're having a good day. Tell them you want John Bolton's hair tonic recipe, you're collecting venture capital to fund pizza delivery service to the US Armed Forces permanent bases in Iraq, you're sending your frozen embryo into foster care but you're worried s/he might be cloned by muslim fanatics, you think Justice Owens is communicating to you via white noise, your grandparents are canabilizing your cannabis - just call them. Let them know you think they might care.

In other news, May is over as far as I'm concerned. Hung out with Culture Critic this weekend - gave her an intro to my disorganized life. I have a vendetta against cars. Its nice to be back in sunny Atlanta, and I've got an awful lot of work to do.

Ciao,

Ms. Bling.