2.23.2005
Speaking Power to Truth
Final rape crisis counselor training last night. I felt a little bit like a wolf in sheeps clothing because, well... I have some problems with the feminist party line. I can't help it, I'm descended from cannibals and socialists. While I'm all about powerful women, I come to my conclusions from a different point of view.
So I got in an argument with the Men Against Violence presenter. He's the guy that convicted rapists have to see for group therapy. He's on my side, I should have been nicer, but I wasn't. Maybe it was because the room was hot, maybe because we were meeting at the 'All Souls' church, and I find the architecture a little creepy, maybe because he didn't seem to have much to say except 'patriarchy is bad,' the media is sexist, everything about the world we live in conspires to oppress women, men especially.
About 10 minutes in I raised my hand and said something to the effect of:
"Flatterys not going to get you anywhere. It makes me feel great to watch you grovel for the sins of your gender, but I can't frickin believe that this is your schpeel. Hello, Red State? No convicted rapist from Georgia is going to know what 'objectify' means.
We hurled a few points back and forth... he kept trying to ignore me and get to all the stupid points in his talk. I told him that we all read Susan Faludi's backlash in the 80's and that his argument with me was a way better use of our time. Sometimes, I'm a jerk like that.
So it turned into a discussion of language. I started talking about how, if trauma is in some senses a language problem, then as healers and as politicians, we need language that can encompass the perspective of the perpetrator and the survivor. If we're trying to change men, either we use guns, or we start talking like humanists and not mere feminists. Theres a new generation of conservatives out there, and they're stealing all the good rhetoric. We need to expand.
I was hoping for a rejoinder, but Mr. Man Against Violence just got defensive. He launched into a long description of his credentials as an ex-NIMH fellow who did family systems research re molestation cases, and then accused me of having stockholm syndrome.
I didn't respond. When the other side gets so defensive that they pathologize my argument, I figure they need more time. Besides, Patty Hearst was more effective at destablizing the dominant paradigm when she was robbing banks than appearing in John Waters films. Stolkholm syndrome my ass. And, the other women were giving me funny looks. I need those chicks. This call line is gonna be stressful - I can't do it unless I've got folks to talk to after a shift.
As it turns out, I had pissed people off. "Cate", one of the other advocates, raised her hand and said she wasn't too happy with our earlier discussion. She said that I needed to be more sensitive to the survivors in the room and realize that what I was saying might hurt people who had had the experience of ... I missed the rest of what she said because at that moment the boy decided to call me and my cell phone started playing the 'Can Can.' I felt like Queen Schmuck anyways, so I grabbed Cate at the end and told her I hadn't meant to hurt her feelings, and I really didn't want to leave the room without doing something to show her that I was on her side.
After training, I really needed a drink so I went to strip club karaoke. As I walked up to the booth to submit a request for Missionary Man, I wondered, 'what kind of jerk am I? I gain entry in to this super women-friendly space, then spout all these unfriendly ideas and criticise really nice men for not empathizing with child molesters enough, then I go watch women take off their clothes to unwind. I'm evil.
On my way back to my table, I passed on of my favorite strippers and realized, 'Oh shit, thats Cate in a wig.' I cracked up, went over and talked to her, and frankly, was glad to see her - at least I'm not the only socialist cannibal feminist out there. But I can confidently say that at the moment I saw her, I stopped trying to make sense of the world, and 24 hours later, I think it might be a while before I make another attempt.
In other news, I spent a lot of money on jewelry today (because I'm worth it) and the boy is being an absolute peach.
So I got in an argument with the Men Against Violence presenter. He's the guy that convicted rapists have to see for group therapy. He's on my side, I should have been nicer, but I wasn't. Maybe it was because the room was hot, maybe because we were meeting at the 'All Souls' church, and I find the architecture a little creepy, maybe because he didn't seem to have much to say except 'patriarchy is bad,' the media is sexist, everything about the world we live in conspires to oppress women, men especially.
About 10 minutes in I raised my hand and said something to the effect of:
"Flatterys not going to get you anywhere. It makes me feel great to watch you grovel for the sins of your gender, but I can't frickin believe that this is your schpeel. Hello, Red State? No convicted rapist from Georgia is going to know what 'objectify' means.
We hurled a few points back and forth... he kept trying to ignore me and get to all the stupid points in his talk. I told him that we all read Susan Faludi's backlash in the 80's and that his argument with me was a way better use of our time. Sometimes, I'm a jerk like that.
So it turned into a discussion of language. I started talking about how, if trauma is in some senses a language problem, then as healers and as politicians, we need language that can encompass the perspective of the perpetrator and the survivor. If we're trying to change men, either we use guns, or we start talking like humanists and not mere feminists. Theres a new generation of conservatives out there, and they're stealing all the good rhetoric. We need to expand.
I was hoping for a rejoinder, but Mr. Man Against Violence just got defensive. He launched into a long description of his credentials as an ex-NIMH fellow who did family systems research re molestation cases, and then accused me of having stockholm syndrome.
I didn't respond. When the other side gets so defensive that they pathologize my argument, I figure they need more time. Besides, Patty Hearst was more effective at destablizing the dominant paradigm when she was robbing banks than appearing in John Waters films. Stolkholm syndrome my ass. And, the other women were giving me funny looks. I need those chicks. This call line is gonna be stressful - I can't do it unless I've got folks to talk to after a shift.
As it turns out, I had pissed people off. "Cate", one of the other advocates, raised her hand and said she wasn't too happy with our earlier discussion. She said that I needed to be more sensitive to the survivors in the room and realize that what I was saying might hurt people who had had the experience of ... I missed the rest of what she said because at that moment the boy decided to call me and my cell phone started playing the 'Can Can.' I felt like Queen Schmuck anyways, so I grabbed Cate at the end and told her I hadn't meant to hurt her feelings, and I really didn't want to leave the room without doing something to show her that I was on her side.
After training, I really needed a drink so I went to strip club karaoke. As I walked up to the booth to submit a request for Missionary Man, I wondered, 'what kind of jerk am I? I gain entry in to this super women-friendly space, then spout all these unfriendly ideas and criticise really nice men for not empathizing with child molesters enough, then I go watch women take off their clothes to unwind. I'm evil.
On my way back to my table, I passed on of my favorite strippers and realized, 'Oh shit, thats Cate in a wig.' I cracked up, went over and talked to her, and frankly, was glad to see her - at least I'm not the only socialist cannibal feminist out there. But I can confidently say that at the moment I saw her, I stopped trying to make sense of the world, and 24 hours later, I think it might be a while before I make another attempt.
In other news, I spent a lot of money on jewelry today (because I'm worth it) and the boy is being an absolute peach.
Comments:
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That's one of the wierdest stories I've read in a while! I think I need to stop trying to make sense of the world, why am I even contemplating doing a PhD?
i forgot to mention. you are very intelligent, perhaps even a touch of brilliance. if you get some money, you could be dangerous.
# posted by 
: 10:49 AM
: 10:49 AM
i was looking at a phd for next year. i get the feeling that it has nothing to do with making sense of the world. i have the feeling it has more to do research and being willing to teach, read, be an academic for the rest of your life. I don't wanna be an academic, so I will probably settle for a masters.
In the strange twilight world of museums being an academic is actually seen as the safe option; that's where the easy money is. Researching, teaching and reading sound ok to me, it's the begging for funding and endless form-filling that's already putting me off.
P.S. I think Anonymous may have a crush on you ;-)
P.S. I think Anonymous may have a crush on you ;-)
Sorry I missed this one... I guess I was so preoccupied with my wisdom tooth. I would have been really interested to have heard that argument. And I think you should do the PhD - who says you have to be an academic after?
anonymous is umbrella. he is surreptitious because he logs in from work and he's scared of the thought police. Umbrella is killer with his criticism. a week ago, he and the boy sat across from me at dinner and slaughtered my blog for being sit-on-the-fency, run-of-the-mill liberal. And, to counter balance, he is generous with his praise. No crush, for the past 6? 7? 10? years he has been romancing a lovely young lady who is rich, feisty, and beautiful.
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